Why I love to talk to parents.

As licensed clinical social worker I have the privilege of interviewing hundreds of parents year about their parenting experience in America. I have noticed how quick and powerful Parent Guilt is in it’s impact on parents lives & children's lives. In my work as a family and child therapist who is particularly interested in how problems move through peoples lives I am uniquely placed to notice how the pathologizing of dyslexia has led to entire generations of children and parents believing that there is something wrong with the child.

There is nothing wrong with a dyslexic child. They are the way that God made them. And to quote Einstein “God does not play dice with universe.”  Your child who is dyslexic it is not broken.  He has traded out some of his ability to learn language or his ability to do some other language base skill in order to gain a superpower. It is your job to find that superpower and to support it's development.

Dyslexic students suffer from a series ideas that exist in modern schooling. They are the canaries in the coal mine of school. Most public schooling in the United States is based on the idea that people learn on an incremental edge and a set average rate. Schools are based around the idea that it is better to teach to the average of the class. Many dyslexic students are “slow” in the first few years of learning to read or write but then exploded later in life into these categories of knowledge

I was once one so myself. I was a student who could not read who could not write in a classroom filled with literate people. It is taken decades for me to recover from that experience. The school and its effort to teach me reading and writing taught me fear, isolation, loneliness and bitterness. Even now 43 years later my heart is heavy to think of the child I was.

I would love the chance to help your family avoid the costly mistakes that my family went through when I was a child.  I coach families nationwide in how to come to terms with the realities of having child with a learning disability.

http://www.ashevilletherapy.net

Intro to 12 ways to turn a Teacher into a Prison Guard.

This series will attempt to examine the 12 basic traditional rules of teaching that block a student’s learning process.  Currently these rules could easily describe the interaction of many classrooms in the U.S. and abroad.  Luckily, many teachers intuitively knew that the twelve rules did not facilitate the learning process.  Growing numbers of people understand that teaching is a process of facilitating empowerment of the student's individual learning process.

The Factory Model remains today the ideal classroom of our culture, despite over a hundred years of reform and progressive attempts to change the system.  The American vision of what a teacher does, is a day filled with drills, spelling tests, read along, sitting in straight rows, and homework.  This system of dealing with kids has evolved from a medieval model into the factory model classroom of the 19th century, a model that was developed and implemented with the management tools and philosophies of that century.  System of education designed to teach Americans a common culture and political apathy.  The current apathy and political listlessness isn’t responsible for a failure of the educational system; the political apathy of the American population is a direct result of that education system

Students and parents need to recognize themselves as consumers of a system of education.   Once a student see they have choices in the school setting with the help of their parent, they begin to take the political power to improve their education.  The public school system is forced to recognize parents who expect their inherent power to change the basic philosophy behind education.  Parents and children can move beyond the consumer choice and create their our own models and ideals for what education means

A revolution in education needs to happen in the United States today.  It is change of philosophy, not method that will rescue American education.  The politics of education is currently defined by a struggle over who will control our schools.   The politics of education can be about cooperating to unleash our youth’s ability to learn and change the world.

Now Back to Storytelling for children and adults...

Years ago I started my fairy tale line Fairytales Forever as Fairy tales for Single Parents.  These stories a rose out of my work with inner city children in New York City.  Many of whom are growing up in single parent household.  This seven CD set touches on issues of interest to modern children through recasting the fairytales of old.  I am planning on finishing this set next spring.  You can read more about the Fairy Tales forever series at http://www.fairytalesforever.com/

Sean Buvala is working the other end of this market brilliantly with his new e-book Daddy Teller.  Which you can read all about at http://daddyteller.com/.  What I really like about Sean's work - with out having read it  - is that he is empowering fathers everywhere to use storytelling role model there children.  How else could you get the most bang for your very limited time with your children?

You could take my free e-course on Zen and the Art of storytelling in Seven Simple Steps, but that would still leave gaping holes in your knowledge of how to use storytelling with children as a dad. (or a mom) The fact is that knowing how to perform and knowing how to be present with your children are vastly different skill sets.  

The Importance of Family.

Just so you know this blog has certain rules that explain why I don't have any one proof these blog posts... Dyslexia

When I was still in school back in the early 80’s the psychological pressures on me were immense. I was struggling just to get up in the morning and as a young 13 year old I was also trying my best to forge a new identity separate from my parents. I honestly did not know much and I thought I knew all I ever needed to know about the world. I thought that this is the way of the world.

The emotional bedrock of my teenage years was that I could take for granted that my parents loved and accepted me. I can remember no occasion where they dressed me down or chewed me out because of my bad grades or failure to be academically successful. Both of my parents struggled with feelings of guilt, but they both refused to pass off or express these feelings at me. My parents understood that the last thing a dyslexic child needs is to be yelled at because of bad grades.

I can not stress enough the importance of supportive home life. I am talking about regular meals and at least one parent present at all times in the house. I am not talking about faking a marriage so that both parents can live in the same house. I am talking about the parent who has the child checking in everyday with homework and other school work. Most importantly knowing where the child is at all times. This creates a sense of safety for the child that can not be over estimated. Dyslexic children struggle with issues of safety. School is not safe so it becomes very important that home be safe. By safe I mean predictable, scheduled and comfortable.

Good Luck. As a parent I can only tell you that parental guilt is not really helpful unless it inspires action so cut it out ok?

The Value of Childhood

Recently a fellow storyteller Bill Harley wrote a blog post on the reality of childhood and how over protective human society has become.  Read his post on “Is childhood more dangerous now?” 

I would suggest that as the average age of our society has risen and as our society has become less spiritual, less community oriented and more individual, cynical and isolated.  We have become more afraid of death.  Death is no longer seen as natural – but instead is the elephant in the room.  Any accident any encounter with the unknown becomes an opportunity for death to stalk us or our family.  All great lies have a gleam of truth and death really is stalking all of us.  The good news that life just wouldn’t be the same with out it.  Death gives sweetness to life it forces us to face our fears it forces us to live.  We know that at some time in the future we will die and we better get our act together and do the best we can in this life because someday with or with out warning the clock will stop.

But we have denied death to our children.  Not in the sense that we have prevented it – but in the sense that we have separated it from out children’s lives.  We have bubble wrapped death in pink ribbons and video games where death means you get another life just like the one you had – isn’t that nice?

But the cool thing about the post that Bill wrote is that he is talking about a problem that has been going on for a long time – the invasion and the capitalization of children’s lives to they point were they have no time to 1) be themselves 2) be around children only spaces and 3) make there own mistakes.

But there is a whole different level to this conversation. Today much of the natural world in America as it was experienced in the 30’s 40’s and 50’s has been paved over to develop suburban housing. We have built a world were many children just don’t have the space to explore – they don’t have the excess to the opportunity.

We have built a world with out wood lots, streams or fields. This lack of access prevents the question did you play in the woods today? from even arising.

I (my family) live in the vale, a 13 family land trusted community on 37 acres of woods and fields.  We have given up real-estate speculation and gained the knowledge that our children spent time growing up building dams unsupervised in the local stream or rope swinging off a 20 foot drop or sneaking up on skunks.   Or a hundred other activates that they survived unscathed form and I never heard about.   These experiences gave them fortitude and a strength of character that can’t be duplicated by camp or school.

The mind is not a dumping ground (Part A)

Your mind reflects your environment and if you or your child is dyslexic you need to give the dyslexic mind every edge that it can get. Control or limit the amount of television, cable or movies that contain violent or horror content. Your trying to give the dyslexic mind a calm and tranquil world to be in. Dyslexic people live in an unstable world were left is right and time is unstable. If possible limit the expectation of adrenaline states.

I am addicted to sci-fi and spy movies. My parents were obsessed with murder mysteries. They taught me to love the adrenalin state that is created in the body when watching a video program. I am sure that many people reading this never considered the alternative, don’t have a television, DVD player or computer in the home until your youngest child is at least ten or eleven. This will set the pattern for the rest of there life.

But wait – I can hear the outcry – but my children will be excluded when all the other children talk about this movie or that youtube! Maybe – most likely they will just watch it at their friend’s house. At your house you will supply them with board games, paints, paper, pencils, crayons and a thousand other doorways into the imagination. Your house will be source of joy and imagination. Also of course boredom and complaints – but boredom is the sign of a free mind. Take it for what it is a compliment.

For more on the effect of TV on human culture check out
Four Arguments for the Elimination of television by Jerry Mander
As described in Wikipedia (Short)
As published in Mother Earth News (Long)

A letter to my daughters (and all the daughters of the world.)

I have reached an age where I find myself concerned by the foolish optimism of youth in pursuit of true love. I have begun to dismantle the minefields of my youth and crawl through the wreckage in hopes of finding some gems to share with my children. Here are seven great gifts of building lasting and meaningful relationships with men. I hope they help you in pursuit of your dreams. I have learned them the hard way so you don't have too.

1) Truth has its just rewards. Don't be afraid to express love – because guys are dense and we just don’t notice that you care. Women are socially more aware then your average guy. Perhaps the biggest lesson of my short life is this. I have seen too many people settle for what they think they deserve and never express their true heart's desire. Life is too short to remain unspoken and what is the sense in being in the production anyway if you not going to have a main part?

2) The first five minutes of your relationship define the rest of your relationship. If he treats you like shit – he is never going to stop. He might pause, but the pattern will return. If the guy treats you disrespectfully on the first date – it’s not going to change. Move on... you are more important then any of that crap so just say no to assholes. To see how much a guy cares about you, watch what he does not what he says. Honestly a man will say anything and do anything when sex is involved. So why trust what he is saying. Watch how he acts. Does he express interest in you? Does he listen to you? Does he show you respect when around other people?

3) Nice guys are usually quiet. If you want to be with one - you are going to have to be more forward then you are comfortable with. An emotionally stable person is less aggressive, less pushy and in general nice to be around. When you fall for a nice guy and you have followed point one above, then you will need to do the parent test. What are their parents like? When you get married (or just settled living together comfortably) you will be surprised how quickly your boyfriend's personality reverts to the pattern of his early childhood parental example. Yes - they can escape the pattern - but are they really trying? You know - are they doing the work to unlock family emotional baggage or do they arrive in your long term relationship baggage intact?

4) If you’re serious about being in a good meaningful relationship, buildup your intention of what you want. Most people don’t do this, they don’t spend any time thinking about they want in a relationship and they end up with suffering the logical consequences. Buildup this intention when you are not dating so that you can have clarity for what you’re looking for in the next relationship.

5) Try to find guys who are a part of your social network or belong to a community. The average man is more aggressive and stronger then the average woman. (Obvious) However few people realize that it helps men to keep their aggression in check when they know that there is a social network or community keeping a silent eye on their relationship. Whether it is your high school graduating class, the village gossips, or your church choir. It really helps to build long-term relationships when the guy has to explain his actions to people outside the relationship. This means that you may want to look for guys inside certain social networks – church, school, village, nonprofits etc… Facebook does not count.

6) There are two disturbing tendencies with young women. They have tendency to attract assholes for dates and they have difficult time being alone. I wish you luck at overcoming these two realities of modern life. The truth is that given the modern internet world there is no reason for anyone – beautiful or not - to hang out with an asshole or be alone unless they want to. Given that the population of the USA is 304 million and that 150 million are guys, there are millions of guys in your age range. I think you might be better served by saying no to the assholes – as for how to identify them, I send you to point 2 above.

7) Do your homework - know yourself. Go to counseling – know God - grow up - find a faith - become deeper then everyone else you know. Move past the consumer blame-based culture we call America into the depths of adulthood. Practice using I statements whenever possible. For example - I feel, I want, I love, I care – instead of you statements – you – whatever. Join women’s circles and find strong positive women to hang out with. Quite smoking, at least cut back on the drinking. Take a self-defense class. Look in the mirror – straight in the eye and say “I love you” once a day till you believe it.

I have thought about this a long time and I hope you find these points helpful. Just know that you have the gift and the power to create the world you live in. I know that you may have spent the first 18 years of your life being told what you can not do - but just remember that you are of an age where limits are where you set them, not where others tell you they are.

One of your Fathers,

Eric Wolf
http:www.ericwolf.org
http:www.artofstorytellingshow.com
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/

Seven Principles every Parent should know about dyslexia.

Just got off the phone with another caring parent whose son has been diagnosed with dyslexia.

1) The body and the mind are attached.

If you are serious about supporting your child’s ability to think in a line then you need to look a their diet. First remove all cane sugar and white flour from their diet. Second replace these things with whole unprocessed foods in a balance format. Third have your child rotate foods so that the body has time to recover from allergic reactions to food.. (Food rotation is easier the at first it appears – rice on Monday couscous on Tuesday, Whole four bread on Wednesday and Thursday is Corn Bread with no wheat flour….)

If you are serious about supporting the stress levels the normal dyslexic child encounters in a school environment consider adding to their life a super food or green food supplement, colon cleanse, regular visits to a chiropractor, Chinese herbalist and an acupuncturist.

There is a heck of a lot more on this topic here - http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2008/07/body-and-mind-are-attached.html

2) The mind is not a dumping ground.

If your child is exposed to pornography or other forms of digital violence the mind of your child will reflect that digital violence with physical and emotional chaos. Remove access to violent video games, television programs or DVD’s. Place internet accessible computers in common space for easy adult supervision. Give yourself permission to not talk about adult emotional subjects with your child. Say I love you to your teenager even if they look horrified.

If your child is especially stressed out by there take them to your local city park and throw a ball, Frisbee or whatever other excuse you can come up with for them to be out side away from literate world. Three weeks backpacking for teenagers is a great prescription for self confidence. A weekend in the country with no TV, radio, video games or internet is a great way for the whole family to be de stress.

There are two further posts on this subject at
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2008/09/mind-is-not-dumping-ground-part.html
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2008/07/mind-is-not-dumping-ground-part-b.html

3) Human populations exist on a bell curve..

In all animal and human populations individuals are not uniform. They react individually to environmental stress and individuals grow at different rates due to genetic and environmental factors. IF your child is one of the 10% of humans who learn to read at the age of ten when all of their peers learn a the age of 8 they may feel some pressure to confirm to what is considered “normal”.

By allowing for your child’s individual response to pressure you are giving them permission to learn at there own pace. To state the obvious who cares if they can’t read yet – if they want to learn to read they will to the best of their ability. When you look at the next principal you will see why this is not as dangerous or risky as it appears to many parents and educational experts.

Read more on these thoughts at http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2008/10/3-all-populations-are-not-uniform.html

4) Humans are capable of learning on a J curve.

The spark of desire is one gift a good teacher can give a student. Everything else is just a matter of access and time. Once exposed to the desire to learn something in the modern age where the internet has made any information that you may need immediately accessible. The only thing missing is your desire to know.

When your child feels competent and emotionally safe they will learn when they are ready. In human development there are windows of opportunity that open up as the child develops – now is a good time for music, now is a good time for stories, now is a good time for character development Each of these windows open and close with a the development of the human being. I'm not sayign you can't teach a old dog new tricks, but... it sure is hard.

Schooling is based on the idea that real learning is not available at home and that uniformity of culture is important for national identity.

A more thought out reasoning - http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2008/10/4-humans-are-capable-of-learning-on-j.html

5) Institutions serve their own agendas.

All human institutions: government, corporations and schools serve their own selfish self interest. They may have wonderful ulterior motives, but when individuals with in these institutions threaten the legitimate ideology and psychological stability of the institution - there is a predictable response that the individual most conform to fit the situation. Dyslexic students are by definition unable to conform to fit the model that every other student in the school is able to fit. Thus a dyslexic student feels an incredible amount of stress to conform to the standards of normalcy by learning to read.

If the student is unable to conform they will be viewed by the teachers, staff and other students as a burden. This is not to say there are not exceptions to this rule, but as a parent it is very important that you understand this basic ground rule. You must learn everything you can about how your school works and what options are available, who are the best teachers, who has the best reputation as special ed support person and what legal rights you have.

Read more on these thoughts at http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2008/12/5-institutions-serve-their-own-agendas.html

6) Emotional Learning is more important then intellectual learning.

In the modern creative economy the strongest most hirable asset is creativity and emotional objectivity. Students who are scared from a lifetime of fighting their way through a hierarchy of learning goals are no longer nimble and quick. In modern schools creativity is sacrificed on the alter of accountability, student management and scheduled educational goals.

In the modern economy intellectual ability has become cheap and plentiful. The emotion ability to take decisions and stick by them, the moral certitude and mature surety of grown adult has become rare.

Read more on these thoughts in this post...
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2009/03/6-emotional-learning-is-more-important.html

7) Our weakness becomes our strongest asset.

Because of my dyslexia I have a very effective storyteller. Because of my dyslexia I am an expert at information management, learning to learn and productivity strategies. I may not use them all that time – but I can teach you how to use them effectively. Dyslexia will force your child to grow in other areas to compensate for their inability to compete effectively in the realm of literacy. Best of all, your child will learn one of the most important strategies to over all life success; how to ask for help.

Your child will learn to ask for help when they can’t effectively complete a task by themselves.. This is the number one reason that one half of all successful entrepreneur are certified dyslexic. They learned young that if you can’t do it your self get some one else to do it for you.

Read more on these thoughts n this post
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/2009/04/7-our-weakness-becomes-our-strongest.html

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I have only touched the surface of what is possible with each of these principals.
Here is a list of all 7 in greater detail in later posts...
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/search/label/Seven%20Principles