Saturday, July 26, 2008

A letter to my daughters (and all the daughters of the world.)

I have reached an age where I find myself concerned by the foolish optimism of youth in pursuit of true love. I have begun to dismantle the minefields of my youth and crawl through the wreckage in hopes of finding some gems to share with my children. Here are seven great gifts of building lasting and meaningful relationships with men. I hope they help you in pursuit of your dreams. I have learned them the hard way so you don't have too.

1) Truth has its just rewards. Don't be afraid to express love – because guys are dense and we just don’t notice that you care. Women are socially more aware then your average guy. Perhaps the biggest lesson of my short life is this. I have seen too many people settle for what they think they deserve and never express their true heart's desire. Life is too short to remain unspoken and what is the sense in being in the production anyway if you not going to have a main part?

2) The first five minutes of your relationship define the rest of your relationship. If he treats you like shit – he is never going to stop. He might pause, but the pattern will return. If the guy treats you disrespectfully on the first date – it’s not going to change. Move on... you are more important then any of that crap so just say no to assholes. To see how much a guy cares about you, watch what he does not what he says. Honestly a man will say anything and do anything when sex is involved. So why trust what he is saying. Watch how he acts. Does he express interest in you? Does he listen to you? Does he show you respect when around other people?

3) Nice guys are usually quiet. If you want to be with one - you are going to have to be more forward then you are comfortable with. An emotionally stable person is less aggressive, less pushy and in general nice to be around. When you fall for a nice guy and you have followed point one above, then you will need to do the parent test. What are their parents like? When you get married (or just settled living together comfortably) you will be surprised how quickly your boyfriend's personality reverts to the pattern of his early childhood parental example. Yes - they can escape the pattern - but are they really trying? You know - are they doing the work to unlock family emotional baggage or do they arrive in your long term relationship baggage intact?

4) If you’re serious about being in a good meaningful relationship, buildup your intention of what you want. Most people don’t do this, they don’t spend any time thinking about they want in a relationship and they end up with suffering the logical consequences. Buildup this intention when you are not dating so that you can have clarity for what you’re looking for in the next relationship.

5) Try to find guys who are a part of your social network or belong to a community. The average man is more aggressive and stronger then the average woman. (Obvious) However few people realize that it helps men to keep their aggression in check when they know that there is a social network or community keeping a silent eye on their relationship. Whether it is your high school graduating class, the village gossips, or your church choir. It really helps to build long-term relationships when the guy has to explain his actions to people outside the relationship. This means that you may want to look for guys inside certain social networks – church, school, village, nonprofits etc… Facebook does not count.

6) There are two disturbing tendencies with young women. They have tendency to attract assholes for dates and they have difficult time being alone. I wish you luck at overcoming these two realities of modern life. The truth is that given the modern internet world there is no reason for anyone – beautiful or not - to hang out with an asshole or be alone unless they want to. Given that the population of the USA is 304 million and that 150 million are guys, there are millions of guys in your age range. I think you might be better served by saying no to the assholes – as for how to identify them, I send you to point 2 above.

7) Do your homework - know yourself. Go to counseling – know God - grow up - find a faith - become deeper then everyone else you know. Move past the consumer blame-based culture we call America into the depths of adulthood. Practice using I statements whenever possible. For example - I feel, I want, I love, I care – instead of you statements – you – whatever. Join women’s circles and find strong positive women to hang out with. Quite smoking, at least cut back on the drinking. Take a self-defense class. Look in the mirror – straight in the eye and say “I love you” once a day till you believe it.

I have thought about this a long time and I hope you find these points helpful. Just know that you have the gift and the power to create the world you live in. I know that you may have spent the first 18 years of your life being told what you can not do - but just remember that you are of an age where limits are where you set them, not where others tell you they are.

One of your Fathers,

Eric Wolf

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The body and the mind are attached.

Returning to my main topic of dyslexia let’s focus on one of the seven ideas I wish Americas would adopt in working with there dyslexic children.

I don’t really understand why the human race seems so attached to the idea that the brain is not attached to any fixed place and time. I think it may be our fear of mortality - that by recognizing that we are in fact in body with a digestive track that we are in fact mortal. Maybe it is our desire to think that as a race we are different then the animals that coexist on this planet. If a monkey ate what I considered a healthy diet as a child –donuts and Pepsi – the monkey would get very sick. Perhaps we are also searching for the magic elixir of life that will fix all problems, when in fact we just need to eat more greens and fruit – well all to more greens like say – 70% of our diet. Dyslexia is in the brain you can;t cure it - but you can improve the over all functioning of the brain.

If you are serious about supporting your child’s ability to think in a line then you need to look a their diet.

1) Remove all cane sugar and white flour from their diet. Sugar and white flour are two of the greatest evils that have every been created by mankind. I would love to tell you all about how I avoid them, but the truth is very different sugar is in everything and white flour is devilishly useful. Be strong when it comes to your children and your self. Change takes years of work so start today.

Sugar and white flour have been processed so that they are missing key micro nutrients that your child probably desperately needs. In addition the body strips it’s self of other vitamins to digest and process the sugar and white flour. Add to this that soil in many places is short on zinc, copper and magnesium and you get flour and sugar hat is short on digestible zinc, copper and magnesium. So you get people who are short on zinc, copper and magnesium.

This seems so obvious to me as to be ludicrous to even mention – but most people today don’t even take zinc supplements let alone test there body for heavy metal poisoning - Lead Mercury or the Tri Benzine's.

2) Replace these things with whole unprocessed foods in a balance format. What your child eats is what they become. Green and Fruit should be 70% of the diet. Even cooked greens are not good enough. It may seem impossible to get a child to eat fresh greens – however the secret seems to be Goddess Dressing available nation wide in most super markets. Any salad covered in goddess dressing is readily consumed by my youngest daughter for the last eight years. Yes you can still give your child omega 3 suplements - but really with out the basic building blocks what is the point of aiming high?

3) Have your child rotate foods so that the body has time to recover from allergic reactions to food.. (Food rotation is easier the at first it appears – rice on Monday couscous on Tuesday, Whole four bread on Wednesday and Thursday is Corn Bread with no wheat flour….) Most healthy children only need to rotate processed foods and not vegetables or fruits.

Considering that back ten thousand years ago our ancestors lived off a wide variety of foods. They almost never lived only on one substance – as for example wheat. Many children are allergic to wheat, sugar milk or even – food coloring. Just to get started. Try this blog post on Food rotation

4) If you are serious about supporting the stress levels the normal dyslexic child encounters in a school environment consider adding to their life a super food or green food supplement. I consume Super food a product by Dr. Shultz – a herbalist in California.
This is in unpaid endorsement – so if the good Dr would care to send me a few bottles I would be thrilled – ahh no? O'well I endorse anyway.

5) Last note – here are a few other things that have heard work well with dyslexic or ADD children.. a colon cleanse, regular visits to a chiropractor, Chinese herbalist and an acupuncturist.

I am interested in any positive experiences you have as a reader - leave me a comment and tell me what you think of my little tirade about the body and dyslexia…