The Dyslexic Advantage

If you are going to read one book on the topic of Dyslexia in the modern age this would be it.

The makes the case with science and research that Dyslexic people are not the ones who have the problem.  The problem is in how we teach dyslexic people.

My interruptions is that God does not play dice with the universe - to get something we all have to give something.  In this case I traded the ability to learn languages for another ability - story.  I won't give it back.

https://www.dyslexicadvantage.org/about-us/the-book-the-dyslexic-advantage/

Why I love to talk to parents.

As licensed clinical social worker I have the privilege of interviewing hundreds of parents year about their parenting experience in America. I have noticed how quick and powerful Parent Guilt is in it’s impact on parents lives & children's lives. In my work as a family and child therapist who is particularly interested in how problems move through peoples lives I am uniquely placed to notice how the pathologizing of dyslexia has led to entire generations of children and parents believing that there is something wrong with the child.

There is nothing wrong with a dyslexic child. They are the way that God made them. And to quote Einstein “God does not play dice with universe.”  Your child who is dyslexic it is not broken.  He has traded out some of his ability to learn language or his ability to do some other language base skill in order to gain a superpower. It is your job to find that superpower and to support it's development.

Dyslexic students suffer from a series ideas that exist in modern schooling. They are the canaries in the coal mine of school. Most public schooling in the United States is based on the idea that people learn on an incremental edge and a set average rate. Schools are based around the idea that it is better to teach to the average of the class. Many dyslexic students are “slow” in the first few years of learning to read or write but then exploded later in life into these categories of knowledge

I was once one so myself. I was a student who could not read who could not write in a classroom filled with literate people. It is taken decades for me to recover from that experience. The school and its effort to teach me reading and writing taught me fear, isolation, loneliness and bitterness. Even now 43 years later my heart is heavy to think of the child I was.

I would love the chance to help your family avoid the costly mistakes that my family went through when I was a child.  I coach families nationwide in how to come to terms with the realities of having child with a learning disability.

http://www.ashevilletherapy.net

Now Back to Storytelling for children and adults...

Years ago I started my fairy tale line Fairytales Forever as Fairy tales for Single Parents.  These stories a rose out of my work with inner city children in New York City.  Many of whom are growing up in single parent household.  This seven CD set touches on issues of interest to modern children through recasting the fairytales of old.  I am planning on finishing this set next spring.  You can read more about the Fairy Tales forever series at http://www.fairytalesforever.com/

Sean Buvala is working the other end of this market brilliantly with his new e-book Daddy Teller.  Which you can read all about at http://daddyteller.com/.  What I really like about Sean's work - with out having read it  - is that he is empowering fathers everywhere to use storytelling role model there children.  How else could you get the most bang for your very limited time with your children?

You could take my free e-course on Zen and the Art of storytelling in Seven Simple Steps, but that would still leave gaping holes in your knowledge of how to use storytelling with children as a dad. (or a mom) The fact is that knowing how to perform and knowing how to be present with your children are vastly different skill sets.  

The Importance of Family.

Just so you know this blog has certain rules that explain why I don't have any one proof these blog posts... Dyslexia

When I was still in school back in the early 80’s the psychological pressures on me were immense. I was struggling just to get up in the morning and as a young 13 year old I was also trying my best to forge a new identity separate from my parents. I honestly did not know much and I thought I knew all I ever needed to know about the world. I thought that this is the way of the world.

The emotional bedrock of my teenage years was that I could take for granted that my parents loved and accepted me. I can remember no occasion where they dressed me down or chewed me out because of my bad grades or failure to be academically successful. Both of my parents struggled with feelings of guilt, but they both refused to pass off or express these feelings at me. My parents understood that the last thing a dyslexic child needs is to be yelled at because of bad grades.

I can not stress enough the importance of supportive home life. I am talking about regular meals and at least one parent present at all times in the house. I am not talking about faking a marriage so that both parents can live in the same house. I am talking about the parent who has the child checking in everyday with homework and other school work. Most importantly knowing where the child is at all times. This creates a sense of safety for the child that can not be over estimated. Dyslexic children struggle with issues of safety. School is not safe so it becomes very important that home be safe. By safe I mean predictable, scheduled and comfortable.

Good Luck. As a parent I can only tell you that parental guilt is not really helpful unless it inspires action so cut it out ok?

The Gift of Story

While not writing for this Dyslexic Blog I have a career as a storyteller I am currently attending the Talk Story Conference in Waikiki Hawaii and yesterday I went out and volunteered for my friend Jeff Gere who set up the conference and works for the Honolulu parks and recreation department. A bunch of us storyteller went off and told stories at various camps and parks programs just for fun. I forget how much I enjoy just telling stories to children – that as an artist I get so wrapped up in the passionate desire that storytelling and the arts in general get accepted – no – get embraced that I forget the simple joy that is one person telling to an audience of children who are so thrilled to listen. When the audience is so jazzed to see you - you get jazzed to be with them and suddenly it's like your flying. Not work - just the joy of storytelling.

The Value of Childhood

Recently a fellow storyteller Bill Harley wrote a blog post on the reality of childhood and how over protective human society has become.  Read his post on “Is childhood more dangerous now?” 

I would suggest that as the average age of our society has risen and as our society has become less spiritual, less community oriented and more individual, cynical and isolated.  We have become more afraid of death.  Death is no longer seen as natural – but instead is the elephant in the room.  Any accident any encounter with the unknown becomes an opportunity for death to stalk us or our family.  All great lies have a gleam of truth and death really is stalking all of us.  The good news that life just wouldn’t be the same with out it.  Death gives sweetness to life it forces us to face our fears it forces us to live.  We know that at some time in the future we will die and we better get our act together and do the best we can in this life because someday with or with out warning the clock will stop.

But we have denied death to our children.  Not in the sense that we have prevented it – but in the sense that we have separated it from out children’s lives.  We have bubble wrapped death in pink ribbons and video games where death means you get another life just like the one you had – isn’t that nice?

But the cool thing about the post that Bill wrote is that he is talking about a problem that has been going on for a long time – the invasion and the capitalization of children’s lives to they point were they have no time to 1) be themselves 2) be around children only spaces and 3) make there own mistakes.

But there is a whole different level to this conversation. Today much of the natural world in America as it was experienced in the 30’s 40’s and 50’s has been paved over to develop suburban housing. We have built a world were many children just don’t have the space to explore – they don’t have the excess to the opportunity.

We have built a world with out wood lots, streams or fields. This lack of access prevents the question did you play in the woods today? from even arising.

I (my family) live in the vale, a 13 family land trusted community on 37 acres of woods and fields.  We have given up real-estate speculation and gained the knowledge that our children spent time growing up building dams unsupervised in the local stream or rope swinging off a 20 foot drop or sneaking up on skunks.   Or a hundred other activates that they survived unscathed form and I never heard about.   These experiences gave them fortitude and a strength of character that can’t be duplicated by camp or school.

The Quagmire of Opinion vs Fact in Dyslexia

Recently a very Nice parent commented on my blog. Check out the comments on previous two post.
In there comments and questions they suggested that the rights of dyslexic students are a matter of opinion not law. The key idea hear for me is that Learning disabilties are not opinion or political hairs to be split. Learning diabilties can be proven - tested and demonstrated in written and verbel tests consitently over and over again.

I give you the definition of dyslexia by http://www.medterms.com

Definition of Dyslexia

Dyslexia: A specific reading disability due to a defect in the brain's processing of graphic symbols. Dyslexia is a learning disability that alters the way the brain processes written material.

Two commonly held beliefs about dyslexia are that children with it are prone to seeing letters or words backward, and that the problem is linked to intelligence. Both beliefs are incorrect. The problem is a linguistic one, not a visual one, in dyslexia. And dyslexia in no way stems from any lack of intelligence. People with severe dyslexia can be brilliant.

The effects of dyslexia, in fact, vary from person to person. The only shared trait among people with dyslexia is that they read at levels significantly lower than typical for people of their age. Dyslexia is different from reading retardation which may reflect mental retardation or cultural deprivation.

The treatment of dyslexia should be directed to the specific learning problems the person has. The usual course is to modify teaching methods and the educational environment to meet the specific needs of the individual with dyslexia.

The prognosis (outlook) for people with dyslexia is mixed. The disability affects such a wide range of people, producing different symptoms and varying degrees of severity, that predictions are hard to make. The prognosis is generally good, however, for individuals whose dyslexia is identified early, who have supportive family and friends and a strong self-image, and who are involved in a proper treatment program.

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Back to my words....

In the beginning dyslexia was discovered in very smart people. Naturally it was assumed that dyslexia and many other learning disabilities were just effecting smart people. But over time it was discovered that dyslexia can be tested and found in 20% of the population regardless of I.Q. While it is true that many dyslexic or LDS people are gifted at speaking or talking to compensate for their disability - These gifts ARE NOT gurantted they are earned through the hard work that individual puts into compensating for the fact they can't read and every one else can.

It is tempting to think that these idea are my opinion or that they are just a matter of one persons thoughts vs some one else's thoughts. But they also are a matter of legal recourse to thousands of families around the country when the school refuses to recognize their child's Learning Disabilty. Dyslexia is as real as blindness just a lot harder to see. (pun intentional)

Fasting for the fourth day today….

A health fast – a kidney cleanse using the Dr. Shultz methodology and products. I feel great – but have much less sleep needs. Drink more fluids in the last four days than I normally drink in a week. I appreciate water on a whole new level. Locally we bought this really cool reverse osmosis water filter last month and I no longer have to purchase my distilled water.

Here’s the thing I have been fasting on and off for health, spiritually and general wellness for years. I have fasted on mountain tops, in temples and on NYC street corners. I am have gone with out water for 48 hours (very dangerous) – Food for seven days (not dangerous at all really) and a whole year without eating any wheat, meat or dairy.

A lot of people panic at the thought of not eating. As a trained survivalist I know that food is fairly low down the list. Things like breathing and staying hydrated come first - in fact you really don’t need to eat another bite unless or 3 or 98 for at least thirty to sixty days from right now. Of course fasting can be more nuanced then that – health fats should be carefully considered and then done anyway.

I know that when I fast for health with all the herbal teas and juice flushes that I feel great! My mind and my ability to focus goes up and my need for sleep goes down. I am still dyslexic the basic nerve patterns have not changed, but I am more able to function on a daily level. Best of all I feel really good about life – I have a smile on my face and I am thrilled about what is going on around me.

I did a 30 cleanse last year? Maybe two years ago and it ignited my soul fire to burn so bright and clear. IF you are parent of a child – remember that nobody should be forced to fast – so keep that in mind when planning any radical departure in your current approach to health in your family. We want to have a good time loving our bodies and taking care of ourselves. We don’t want our children to grow up thinking that food is the cause of their problems – though it is true that diet can be a key effect in your child's ability to adapt to their LDS.

A letter to my daughters (and all the daughters of the world.)

I have reached an age where I find myself concerned by the foolish optimism of youth in pursuit of true love. I have begun to dismantle the minefields of my youth and crawl through the wreckage in hopes of finding some gems to share with my children. Here are seven great gifts of building lasting and meaningful relationships with men. I hope they help you in pursuit of your dreams. I have learned them the hard way so you don't have too.

1) Truth has its just rewards. Don't be afraid to express love – because guys are dense and we just don’t notice that you care. Women are socially more aware then your average guy. Perhaps the biggest lesson of my short life is this. I have seen too many people settle for what they think they deserve and never express their true heart's desire. Life is too short to remain unspoken and what is the sense in being in the production anyway if you not going to have a main part?

2) The first five minutes of your relationship define the rest of your relationship. If he treats you like shit – he is never going to stop. He might pause, but the pattern will return. If the guy treats you disrespectfully on the first date – it’s not going to change. Move on... you are more important then any of that crap so just say no to assholes. To see how much a guy cares about you, watch what he does not what he says. Honestly a man will say anything and do anything when sex is involved. So why trust what he is saying. Watch how he acts. Does he express interest in you? Does he listen to you? Does he show you respect when around other people?

3) Nice guys are usually quiet. If you want to be with one - you are going to have to be more forward then you are comfortable with. An emotionally stable person is less aggressive, less pushy and in general nice to be around. When you fall for a nice guy and you have followed point one above, then you will need to do the parent test. What are their parents like? When you get married (or just settled living together comfortably) you will be surprised how quickly your boyfriend's personality reverts to the pattern of his early childhood parental example. Yes - they can escape the pattern - but are they really trying? You know - are they doing the work to unlock family emotional baggage or do they arrive in your long term relationship baggage intact?

4) If you’re serious about being in a good meaningful relationship, buildup your intention of what you want. Most people don’t do this, they don’t spend any time thinking about they want in a relationship and they end up with suffering the logical consequences. Buildup this intention when you are not dating so that you can have clarity for what you’re looking for in the next relationship.

5) Try to find guys who are a part of your social network or belong to a community. The average man is more aggressive and stronger then the average woman. (Obvious) However few people realize that it helps men to keep their aggression in check when they know that there is a social network or community keeping a silent eye on their relationship. Whether it is your high school graduating class, the village gossips, or your church choir. It really helps to build long-term relationships when the guy has to explain his actions to people outside the relationship. This means that you may want to look for guys inside certain social networks – church, school, village, nonprofits etc… Facebook does not count.

6) There are two disturbing tendencies with young women. They have tendency to attract assholes for dates and they have difficult time being alone. I wish you luck at overcoming these two realities of modern life. The truth is that given the modern internet world there is no reason for anyone – beautiful or not - to hang out with an asshole or be alone unless they want to. Given that the population of the USA is 304 million and that 150 million are guys, there are millions of guys in your age range. I think you might be better served by saying no to the assholes – as for how to identify them, I send you to point 2 above.

7) Do your homework - know yourself. Go to counseling – know God - grow up - find a faith - become deeper then everyone else you know. Move past the consumer blame-based culture we call America into the depths of adulthood. Practice using I statements whenever possible. For example - I feel, I want, I love, I care – instead of you statements – you – whatever. Join women’s circles and find strong positive women to hang out with. Quite smoking, at least cut back on the drinking. Take a self-defense class. Look in the mirror – straight in the eye and say “I love you” once a day till you believe it.

I have thought about this a long time and I hope you find these points helpful. Just know that you have the gift and the power to create the world you live in. I know that you may have spent the first 18 years of your life being told what you can not do - but just remember that you are of an age where limits are where you set them, not where others tell you they are.

One of your Fathers,

Eric Wolf
http:www.ericwolf.org
http:www.artofstorytellingshow.com
http://dyslexicstoryteller.blogspot.com/